Do you ever have conversations with yourself? I do. I guess that is what they are. I lie in bed and ramblings just go through my mind like for example no one ever tells us how things really turn out. Nothing in life really turns out 'good' or without pain. Think about it. You go by the pet store or a friend's and you see the cute little litter of rug rats and you pick one out and take it home. You train it and it's baby cute for what, three months and then it is officially an adult and a totally different animal that becomes a responsibility. Again, you walk onto a car lot and purchase an automobile that you have always wanted but how long is it before it becomes tainted with dissatisfaction. How long before it becomes a burden of repairs? What about how your mindset changes about it after you put that first dent or scratch in it? Now it's like, "I should have kept my money". We meet the "love of our life" and walk down the isle and mutter vows we really haven't considered the weight of. "Until death do us Part", doesn't even really enter the picture yet. Think about it. No matter what is in between the markers in the timeline, every relationship ends in heartbreak whether it is you or them where the veil of heaven tears open changing the relationship forever. Sometimes life affords the opportunity or blessing to know it is coming and other times it is a lightening strike on a sunny day. Having children is the same way. Women get pregnant and for nine months bask in the wonderment of the miracle and then it happens....the nightmarish miracle of childbirth. No one says, "You are going to wish you had not done that" or "Make sure you take the medicine they offer". Then there is the baby....the cute little baby....YES, the baby IS cute. What no one told you about is the long nights and how sour the spit is. No one told you about how tired you would be for YEARS after having a baby. No one told you what it would do to your body and how it would change it, how it would never return to pre-baby. Then like the fuzzy little animals this baby changes too. This is the nature of things. You wouldn't want it any other way. However neither did the manual say....wait a minute....what manual.?? This toddler or not even a toddler but not a teen so I guess it's a child that has the ability to hurt you and because you are the adult you can't scream back at them, "I hate you too" or "I think you are ugly". You can't hit them back just because they hit you like you did your siblings. You cannot throw your food back at them. And yes.... you do have to wash their feces off the bedroom walls just because they felt like being Picasso that day. This is why there is no manual. If there was a manual, there would be no children. Who would say, "Sure, sign me up for that!" "I'll be happy to clean up sick-ed on sheets in the middle of the night several nights in a row because the kids have to take turns. I'll be happy to wash baby oil mixed with baby powder out of their hair because one sibling decided the other just needed it. I'll be happy to listen to my children scream at me they wish they were born to another family or they are going to run away. Sign me up to rush my child to the Dr. or hospital numerous times because they needed stiches, x-rays, or medicine because they have done something nuts like foot race a golf cart only to get run over by it. Sure, sign me up"!! If there were a manual with all this stuff in it, the list would be very short. God said (paraphrasing) we would have pain in childbirth way back in Genesis. This we know. So why do we go through all the other pain in life if it's all only going to end up in painful 'endings'? We are living and dying all at the same time. We are growing and transforming. Like a women in labor who forgets her pain when she sees the baby, all the good, the blessings in between the markers of time makes the pursuit worth it. Think about your children's laughter...think about the memories you have made in your relationships along the way...flip through the snap shots in your mind...all the Polaroids you have taken that bring a smile to your face and fill your heart. Would you trade them? Would you give them up? I hope not. Hang on to them. Let them help buoy you in those dark times. Our Heaven will come....our sun will rise....our hope will be rewarded....our faith will be fulfilled......we belong to Jesus...and has promised to return.
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